[Shadbase]

(oh boy who's ready for another one of my adhd-fueled rants)

As someone who also pretty much quit wordlessly maybe a monthly before all of whatever the fuck is going on in this game at this point, there's a lot to be acredited to Anhita's claim of 'sickness', but it stems from a lot more than just these bans. Like a majority of more major issues that happen in SL2's lifetime - the bans are not the cause, they are a symptom. If people deserved it or not is really subjective, and everyone will have their opinions slathered in biases or not. The banwave hit people I loved and I have disdain for, but regardless of that I'd rather look at what objectively happened - and that's a problem the community has had since 2013.
I just want to put out a perspective piece, not on the bans - because I don't know the matters behind them beyond what I've been told from some of the banned and deem myself not in the position to talk about them - but why this community needs genuine help and the troubles I've gone through in the past 10-ish years.

Witch hunts have been common in this place for years. Whether it's a small mob against one person, or a person against the world practically, we have them. Deserving or not does not matter - they happen, and they shouldn't. I don't care if it's the world's biggest asshole, your grandma, whatever the hell you want it to be, it should be handled civilly and not with pitchforks and two-faced bullshit, and that goes for staff and players. To find out why I wasn't even allowed to think about joining the Sigrogonian Guards periodt, I had to basically ask Lokus to go through the fire for me, and what was it for? A post I made in 2016, where I was likely 16 years old; an unmedicated neurodivergent child, where I criticized the GM and the guards for the handling of a situation poorly - where everyone was either bootlicking or rioting. I'm 24 now; it's been 7 years, and that bias against me is still strong even when most who have known me and still play know that I have grown tremendously - and even have the right medications that allow me to think through what I write most of the time. And at that - I'm still not allowed to know who has this beef because they want to hide behind the shadows so they can live without the guilt on their high horses, or whatever it may be.
It's a microcosm of what people have been saying in this thread, and what I fear they may continue to say: people will hold these inane grudges for anything you could have done a decade ago to one day have it bottled up and suddenly you end up with 15 'harassment' charges, 3 metagaming charges, 7 sedition charges, and 1 count of public intoxication for good measure, all without being allowed to give your side of the story, or even context about what happened. You are at the mercy of the person with the complaint or the grudge.
The only time this should even count  if the charges are old is if you've been caught being a 'child enthusiast'. Unforgivable.

Like Drez said, I'm not exactly innocent - very little of people on SL2 are. I get excessively angry in autistic fashion due to said autism, I get hung up on little things that're said in passing about me or my loved ones, I get to points where I have little patience for people if I consider something important. I've even complained about the people I care about because they hit these little triggers. I try my best not to for the sake of others, but I end up venting that onto a handful of people I feel like can understand what's happening and take me through it from an outside perspective so I go back into the situation with a clearer head and my own problems sorted. I don't want to be this irritable, sad person who can be horrid to be around. I was able to do that for awhile before Korv's launch, and I left so that way I wouldn't revert back to the 2010's habits I had and make people miserable - and now the most I'll get mad about is walking Raigen the boomer through how to mod FFXIV.

I have some further experiences to explain why I've always felt so strongly about how difficult it is to really is to speak up, or bother to explain, or why I get so heated about the community and the 'superstition' of staff inaction, but they get into a bit further with sensitive topics, so:
First Spoiler: Non-con mentioned.
Second Spoiler: 'Child Enthusiast' and 'game ending' are mentioned.

When I first started playing, I actually had a similar experience as Drez's wife. I was 13, playing a relatively  young character, and I pretty much almost got raped (yes, it was unwanted) by a notorious SL2 creep until I logged out in a panic. I didn't know what to do, and these were Skype days and I didn't know anybody. Didn't even know who the GMs were. Even if I did, I don't think I would've said anything - or even had proof because I didn't know how to screenshot something. I feared for the next week about retribution, if I would get banned for ERP or something despite the fact I didn't because I'd already been told about how poorly issues can be handled. I deleted my entire character because I was just so scared and had to go back to an older character. People still do feel this way, have these sorts of feelings playing SL2. Maybe not under the same circumstances, but I know they do because I've seen it.

I was groomed by a pedophile on this game for 5 years; I was 15-16 and he was 21-22; he knew I was totally underage. When I turned 19 he decided he wanted a new girlfriend and abused me with intentional panic-attacks and neglect trying to get me to go away. He went to your community leaders and did his best to drag out what should've been our private problems that didn't exist on-game to them so they would witch-hunt and ostracized me. They even talked about their witch-hunt on game (in the unhidden say chat and looc, no less), which was caught by someone grinding and sent to me to basically show that I needed to get out before this game ruined my life.
But I looked at all of this and knew that nobody would help me even with logs. I was an isolated transboy at the time who was constantly misgendered on SL2 by most, sometimes even directly on purpose, and told that I had to be as toxic as possible to fit into what I called '4chan's roleplay game' because that's how the community felt back then. I quit for 2-3 years because being on SL2 made me feel physically sick to my stomach. I had to go to therapy, and I was diagnosed by four different doctors in both Michigan and Oregon with true, full-blown PTSD. It stopped my life, and I wanted to kill myself. If it wasn't for four different people... I might've. I slowly healed, especially with the help of two of them. I found some level of peace, beyond the PTSD episodes that would haunt my waking world and my dreams.

I returned in 2021 because of Raigen getting into an IC relationship scuffle and it hurt my heart to see that he was now my boyfriend. The community I came back to was the opposite of what I remembered. People were kinder, more connected with each other. I felt comfortable going outside of smaller spaces like pubs and houses because I didn't fear that someone would look at me and judge me off of anything they just saw at a glance. February 2021-pre-Korvara was one of the best times of my life. I reconnected with old friends, I made so many new ones, everyone understood the plights I'd suffered and were patient with me. I had fun adventures, like none I'd ever been allowed to experience in 'old' SL2. Me and Rai now have enduring characters that we've adored to where it's the only thing we privately RP anymore, with 30+ AUs and counting.
This was the SL2 I'd wanted. It came with its hiccups and spats, but they didn't feel like they were always so world-ending. I felt like everything was brand new, that I could begin again and leave behind the past trauma to make better memories.

Speaking generally, a month after Korvara's launch it slowly started to roll downhill back to where it was. Cliques were reforming back to where they were (or as y'all call them now "private servers"), people going back to being anti-social, then the community returned to being its harsh shitshow that it always was where nobody was trustworthy anymore. Friends that I'd cared for suddenly turned into tyrants with a lust for power and attention. A majority of the friends that I'd made suddenly disappeared from my life with no warnings, questions about if we could find a way to RP again mostly given an 'eh' answer. There were a few I understood why, others I never did. Going back to Sigrogana was a non-option with even Dev discouraging even touching it anymore.
It'd all come back to how it used to be. But this time I just didn't go with the flow and return to my old ways. I had complaints and probably voiced them in less-than-civil ways at times - but we've all done that. With my neurological problems it can be even harder than most, but I just wanted to sit it out most of the time because it was either 'not my problem' or I 'didn't have an important voice'. Days of nobody beyond Raigen, Shield, or Toasty coming to RP with me even when I asked. Being told that the fact I was being actively ignored by the town I wanted so badly to be a part of was just 'hysteria' or whatever. Having to leave for 1-2 weeks for a break for my mental health due to the outright hell-designed stress of this community and coming back to my slaved-over place being taken over because 'lol free player house for muh erp' or whatever without even being told or asked the entire time because it was clear nobody cared. Having to be told by two totally different people I'm now being flagged as the suspect of some horseshit barely-thought-out hitpiece with no evidence just because I "seemed likely because I've been playing a long time" as if information and stories aren't passed around like a plague during the 1300's in Europe on this game.

The way I see it, there has always been a 'sickness', but I'd liken it more to cancer.
It went into remission and the world was bright... and now it's come back because of a recurrence. Old cancer cells still remain, and now they are feeding and growing. This is not down to a single person as a cell - there are no scapegoats to blame for all of this. It is a collective problem that you all must fix, or you will cannibalize each other and the game itself.

I want this game to continue. I want things to be as good as they were. I want the community and the GMs to be in a happy relationship with each other. I want to be able to have problems just be talked out, no matter how old or how small because someone is brave enough to take the step. I wish for nothing more than to decide someday that I want to try and play this game again and make new memories I can cherish for years to come, more huge walls of RP that I save to my HD because they mean just that much to me.
But I can't spend every moment of my energy every day trying to help fix a community that wants change but doesn't do a whole lot to change it - everyone just 'lives' with it, and when complaints are arisen - polite or rude - people lobby against it because it doesn't fit their narrative of events or 'hurts' their friends. Threads like these are good steps, and that's why I always respond to them even when I'm not that active on the game - I care about things here because this was effectively my childhood - my escape from a wholly abusive life. But it never leaves these threads. Nothing is ever done outside of these; all of these good points raised go to die under either a locked thread for 'discourse' reasons or die out because the problems are now 'manageable'. To quote one of my oldest friends from this game: "It's a problem when Eternia is receiving refugees from SL2 [and not the other way around]."

If you don't want to keep contributing to this cancer: just start being kinder and thoughtful. Communicate your problems and issues - involve the GMs as a last resort and not as an ultimate weapon to win all your wars. Politely correct others who are out of their lane without just slobbering weak insults at them ala 'uhhhh yr just dumb and wrong wow go touch some grass lol'. Embrace all walks of life, and don't judge others for doing what you're not into. Help others who are struggling, but encourage them to learn to do things themselves without holding their hand. Encourage each other to be doing your best, and to take breaks if you need them for any reason. Forget all of that FOMO you might be worried about having - the game will not wait for you, but you don't need to chase the game to have fun. Don't treat this game as a job as a player or else it's not worth bothering with in your free time. If it's not fun, why bother?

Just start having some love for eachother even in tiny parts and you'll start seeing things truly I feel, because it's very obvious how little everyone on this game has liked eachother since the beginning.
Thank you. I'm sorry.