[Balor]

It's been three years and some change since I stumbled upon SL2.  Joining it in order to RP with old and close friends who had all ventured to join it. I post this to offer a preface to what will be a moderately lengthy post. I preface it with my length of time on the game to show that it's not long at all compared to you lot.

I was harassed within six months of playing, whether I brought it upon myself, or was the victim of a random act of violence I neither recall nor know. This was a choice of my own to leave it unreported or bothered, these people for a time were friends and wonderful writers, the fact that I was mistreated by them came as a shock to me. Or that they'd then mistreat others around me, new players and friends.

The year later for reasons I am aware of more candidly and clearly, I was slandered, my DM's shared about by individuals who I've since forgiven and found friends in. But for a year I was made to be unwanted, undesirable. I was the object of persecution, hatred, and misconception. But I am not innocent, I lashed back at GM's. I have in the sanctity of my own private hovels and homes spoken in volatile terms. Spewed in my own echo chambers my undiluted anger about my situation.

I bounced off the walls of my discontent until I turned around and continued to be unabashedly me, and continue to do so. People don't like me at times for it, some do. They have that right, however when people met me and learned who I was without pretense. They got to make that decision for themselves. But I spent a year building myself back up, I spent a year going from undesirable, to undeniable.

Even then I have had my name slandered, harassed. I've been labeled a psychopath in private chats, a drama monger, an abuser, manipulator, a toxic entity. Some of this happening as recently as October of last year. I don't make a fuss about most of it, because it doesn't really matter. I can go play better games, spend time with better people, I don't owe the community of SL2 my time.

But since then I've learned how often it is that others go through the same "hazing" ritual I go through, not via the same people who once upon a time harmed me, but through others. The spite that runs deep within the veins of the community. Spoken in hushed whispers or in explosive and outspoken posts on the forums such as this. 

I've watched friends depart the game because of problem children being allowed to exist, I've watched my wife's personal information be shared without her consent, I've watched the very worst this community is capable of. I have been what the community is capable of, in silent private angst and frustration. I have been it in the arena, or in your RP.  For all of the things I have been struck by, I am not innocent. Not wholly.

I am a human being, with opinions, feelings and beliefs. Ideals that I hold core to my person, I am earnest, I am spiteful, I am a stranger, a friend, I am all these things and more.

But what I am not, is banned.  What I am not, is accountable for the community. What I am not is the system that's gotten us here. And if people want it to improve, then they have to be open to the consequences that come with it. What I am not, is alone among the staff and community in wanting something better. What I am not, is unaware that all of the issues brought up in the ban appeals, notices, and opinion pieces; Are old and recurring problems. 

We will be talking about this ban for the next week or so, and we'll treat it like the end of the world. It isn't.  For all the valid complaints about it, they aren't ones that haven't been made before, nor are the reason our friends were banned alien to the community as a whole. Regardless of guilt, or innocence. We've all been here before.

I vocalize all of this, and sit on my little island of neutrality not because I don't agree or care. But because I can't be angry about it, I can't be troubled by the vast ocean of emotions that will be rolling out for as long as the community is upset about it. Because as I've stated here, things aren't always that good here. I am not always happy within the community for many reasons. 

So after all of this venting and splurging you must ask "What's the point Drezdin?" 

The point is that I wanted it off my chest, I wished to scream into the void. But to set an example, I have screamed into the void. I have gotten this chip off my shoulder for the time being and confessed in verbose terms that my time in SL2 hasn't been that great overall. So now I can only ask of you. Rather than us being mad or argumentative with one another, how would we go about improving things? 

What would you ask of Dev with any coming changes to the policing of the game? What examples of better systems could we learn from? What blueprints have worked in the past?