05-12-2019, 12:09 PM
Quote:At this point...
9/22/342
...I don't know anymore.
I'm stuck between choosing to just retire to a quiet married life, and my vague duties.
Stuck between giving up on what I think of at times as a lost cause, and doing what most definitely is running away.
Not to mention that my own conscience mocks me at every turn. So hard, in fact, that I temporarily lost the motivation to go outside.
It took time, and much pressure, to make myself go outside for the first time in weeks. (I still hate myself.)
I just don't have the motivation to write much down. The date (Maybe?) with Yaeko was nice, even if she reminded me again of how why I'm torn in half in the first place. The view from the port was nice. Let's keep it at that. The black beast interruption was not. Thankfully, the militia kept us safe. Still, had to evacuate, just in case. I had an encounter with a vaguely familiar face. More familiar to Yaeko than me, it appeared.
To put it simply, the situation they were in was dumb. Familiar in its dumbness. Not really much to comment on.
Or much that came after that. I'm not sure what happened after it all. Maybe I'll remember by tomorrow.
Truth be told, the only thing that could be called noteworthy was the question; Stay or Leave?
Even if I answered it to myself before, I still wonder. Wonder, and worry.
My past haunts me every day, and it's the form of a journal I can't let go of.